I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
