She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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