So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
