i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
