apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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