Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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