He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
