its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
zippers are such a cool invention
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
