Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
