They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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