did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
