I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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