cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
