You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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