This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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