When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
