i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
