I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
