i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
