Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
