I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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