If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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