We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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