I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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