Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
