It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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