Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
