this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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