how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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