You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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