The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
