I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
