So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
