I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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