Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
