my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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