I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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