He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
