Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
