And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
