she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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