Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
