So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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