I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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