Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
