I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
