Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
