party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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