Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
