i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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