Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
