my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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