I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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